Vicious Creatures

The San Francisco Bay area was swamped with reports of vicious creatures on Wednesday August 14th.

In the North Bay, a Sacramento area man was bitten on the chest by what was believed to be a great white shark.

Colum Tinley, 35, of Sacramento, was diving with two friends when he used his hand-held marine radio to call for help about 11:40 a.m. He told authorities he had been bitten in the torso by a shark, Petty Officer Jeff Murphy said.

Meanwhile, in San Francisco, reports continued to circulate of an alligator sighted in Mountain Lake, located in a city park.

On Monday, Police Officer Edward Chow and zookeeper Chris Willers said they saw the reptile, or something that looks like one, in the lake. Willers said the gator was three-feet long and greensih-brown. "It looked quite beautiful crossing the lake," he said.

And in the South Bay, nearly one thousand vicious Evangelical Christians were sited at a meeting of the Santa Clara County Commissioners in San Jose. The swarm of homophobes descended on the Commissioners as they considered Domestic Partner policy. Their ludicrous contentions included allegations that their own marriages would be ruined if gay couples were allowed to register as domestic partners.

When asked for comments, local pastor Regggie Smallskull stated "If these gay people are given the same rights as married couples, then marriage will not mean anything."

When told that some gay people eat bacon, Reverend Reggie replied by saying that the Bible forbids Christians eating pork. Reverend Reggie also indicated that Christians are not permitted to shave the hair on their face and any child who speaks harshly to their parent must be put to death.

Citing the Old Testament book of Leviticus, Rev Reggie continued "Anyone who sets aside their wife is not allowed to remarry." The religious leader also indicated that persons caught eating pork will be put to death.