People always told me to quit looking, that it will only
happen when I am not expecting it. Maybe they were right. I
certainly was not out cruising. I had just finished a service call
in San Mateo and I was heading south on 101, towards Sunnyvale and
home. It was about 2:30 in the afternoon, my dispatchers had told
me that there was nothing going on for the rest of the day, so I
figured I would take my time and enjoy some Pet Shop Boys on the
stereo on the way home. I was in the far right lane approaching
my exit when I saw a small Japanese car on the shoulder with it's
four way flashers on. The hood was up, I could see a guy standing
in front of the car. I was in no big hurry to get home so I figured
I'd be a nice guy and stop to see what was wrong. I started tapping
my brakes to wake up the guy in the Volvo that was right on my tail.
He was weaving through the traffic as if he thought his Volvo was a
BMW. Just a few seconds of tapping the brakes and he was around me
and zooming past me on my left. I really started to mash my brake
pedal and pulled onto the shoulder about 20 yards in front of the guy.
It looked like a Honda of some kind to me, it was grey, the driver
looked to be thirty or so and about my size.
I switched on my four way flashers and stepped out onto the
edge of the highway. Cars were flying by at 65 miles an hour, the
wind blew my tie up onto my left shoulder. I saw him standing there
watching me. I think he wondered if I was broken down too, or
whether I had stopped to help him. I waved and started walking
towards him. He waved back to show me he understood.
As I got closer I saw that he was indeed almost exactly my
size. He yelled something to me but I could not hear with the roar
of the traffic. Finally I got close enough to speak to him
successfully. I could see that he had wavy black hair, he was about
5'9" tall and he looked like he weighed about 150 pounds. He was
cute, about an 8.7 on the cutie scale.
"Hi guy, what's wrong ? Do you know ?"
"Well, I feel really stupid, I think I might be out of gas,
you see my gauge doesn't work. I think I pushed my luck
too far. Thanks for stopping, not too many people would
bother to help someone else these days."
"Well, sir, I'm a real nice guy. Do you have a gas can ?"
"Yes I do, don't call me sir please, my name is Seth."
"Hi Seth, I'm Steve. Want a ride to a gas station ?"
"Oh, that would be great, thanks!"
He shut his hood and got his gas can from the trunk of the
car. I saw that it was actually a Toyota of some kind. We headed
back towards my van. I moved my briefcase off the passenger seat so
he would have a place to sit. The gas can stunk. I decided against
lighting a cigarette.
"Steve, I really appreciate this, you're a nice guy."
"No problem Seth, I wasn't in any big hurry anyway, just
heading home."
"This must be some kind of a comapany car I guess, you work
on computers do you?"
"Yes, and yes, I install datacommunications networks. It is
a company car."
"I gather that the pink triangles on the bumper are yours
then ?"
"Yes. Do you know what those mean ?"
"Umm, yes, I do, here take this exit, there's an Exxon
station about two blocks away."
"I know, I live right behind it."
So we got some gas for Seth's car, and I gave him a ride
back to it. On the way back up 101, and as we turned around again
to head south to his car, we talked about triangles and being out at
work. The car started with a minimum of effort, it must have a
very good fuel pump, and Seth stepped outside to thank me. I told
him it was nothing, that I would have done the same for a straight
person, and he looked at me and smiled.
"So, you live right here in Sunnyvale huh?"
"Yes, it's really handy, very close to 101."
"Do you live alone Steve?"
"Umm, yes, umm, I do. Why do you ask?"
"Well, uh, look you're a real nice guy, I mean a hundred
thousand people might have driven by me before a cop came
along, but you stopped to help. That tells me something
about you. Do you have a boyfriend Steve ?"
"Umm, no, listen I was just trying to be a decent person,
you know, it's no big deal Seth."
"No, I think it is a big deal, and, I don't know, if you're
interested I think I'd like to get to know you better."
"Oh wow! Yeah, sure, here take this."
I handed him one of my business cards from the back of my
wallet, the ones that I have my home phone number written on. I
really couldn't believe this guy was so interested in me. It felt
unreal. After spending twenty minutes or so with him I had realized
that I thought he was quite attractive. I certainly did not expect
to be getting a date or anything like that out of the situation.
"So, Steve, can I call you sometime ?"
"Yes, sure, please do. Now let's get out of here before
somebody gets killed.
I got back in my van and took off. Left at the Exxon
station where we had gotten his gas and I was home. I wondered if I
ever would hear from him again. About 5:30 that afternoon my phone
rang. Of course it was Seth. We talked until 10 O'clock that night.
It seemed that Seth really was impressed with me as a person, and I
was amazed at some of the things I learned about him. He loves to
read and I love to write. He is radical in a way, he has a
collection of gay Tee-shirts too! It seemed like we really did have
a lot in common. I liked the way he talked about his family
and his friends, it was obvious that he liked people, that he placed
a high value on the way he got along with people. Seth just kept
getting more and more interesting to me as the conversation went on.
We decided to go out for dinner together the next night. I was in no
big hurry to rush into things with this guy, I've made that mistake
often enough.
We had agreed to meet at Spoons in Sunnyvale the next night.
As we sat in the restaurant together I kept looking at him, in between
bites of my California Burger. How could I have failed to notice
those green eyes ? His hair was so completely black, very wavy, I
wondered what it would be like to run my fingers through it. Seth is
about half Italian and half Irish, an odd mix. I guess the black hair
comes from the Italian side. Are the green eyes Irish ? I always
thought of blue eyes in connection with Irish blood. I'm part Irish
and everyone in my family has blue eyes. Anyway, I could not help but
notice that he was very pleasant to look at.
He was wearing an oversize sweater. It was off white
without being beige, ivory I guess. It had a V-neck with thin red
and green stripes around the opening. Underneath he was wearing a
loose fitting cotton shirt with an indistinct collar. The shirt
projected an image of gayness, it was sort of feminine in a way.
But Seth did not seem feminine. He is one of those people who just
does not seem gay, although I knew he was. He had a pair of leather
loafers on. I was wearing sneakers of course, I have a reputation
to think about. Back East this multimillion dollar customer had
referred to me, in a conversation with the president of our company,
as "You know, the Sneaker Wizard". So sneakers are now my trademark,
I always wear them. We were talking about our jobs. I told him the
Sneaker Wizard story and he laughed out loud. Some old guy across
the aisle from us gave us a hostile look. I smiled at him very
sweetly just to piss him off, and I wondered how he could tell.
Maybe it was the look in my eye, I'm sure I was staring at Seth.
Seth is a salesman for a long distance company. He goes to companies
trying to get their computer and voice networks on his employers
lines. Our jobs almost interlap. It turned out that a few of my
customers in San Jose were customers of his too. It gave me a sense
of Deja Vu.
"Seth, what do you like to do ?"
"Do you mean in bed?"
"Yes."
"Umm, you know, I like everything I guess."
"Well, um, you don't have to answer this if you don't want to
but do words like top or bottom apply to you ?"
Seth blushed, a very rosy red, little circles on his cheeks.
It looked so cute, so boyish, it made me feel a little twitch inside
my gut. I was sure now that I liked this guy. People that blush,
well, they always seem like nice people to me, just like people that
stutter. Seth does not stutter though. He has a very powerful
presence, he speaks very well. He seems quite self confident.
"Steve, I've never really been a bottom."
"Cool!"
I'm not sure if I blushed or not, I could not see my own
face, but I felt a flushed feeling in my cheeks. I looked at him and
smiled. It was the smile I reserve for special occasions, I only
use it when I am alone with someone. Even though we were out in
public, and some old geezer was hating us and having fun doing it,
just for that one second I had felt like there was no-one else
around. He focused those green eyes right on me and he smiled right
back. It was a very friendly smile. That was the moment when I
knew, I'm quite sure about it. Just at that instant, when he smiled
at me like that, I was sure that something was going to happen
between us. And I knew that I wanted it to. I remember wondering
if he would still like me if we were really alone and things
happened. I guess I worry sometimes if I will be good enough.
We finished our burgers and sat there for a while talking.
The waiter came back and cleared the remains of our meal, he was a
real cutie, about an 8.4 on my cutie scale. Seth gave him an 8.2.
We ordered two more beers. The conversation was smooth and relaxed.
I was really starting to warm up to Seth. I noticed a piece of
leather tong strap around his neck. He was wearing some kind of a
necklace or something. I could see the thin line of muscle that ran
from his neck down to his shoulders and the tiniest hint of hair just
where the front of his shirt lay open. I realized that he must be
very hairy chested and the thought excited me. The old man across
from us got up to leave, I looked him up and down, staring at his
crotch as if I was interested. I really annoyed him, and Seth was
watching me as I did this, the guy looked at me as if looks could
kill and he started to walk away. Seth and I burst out laughing
at the same instant, it was really fun, I'm sure he heard us. I
suddenly felt as if I was a teenager again, impish, a bit of a
troublemaker. I was halfway done my beer, Seth was keeping pace
with me. I wondered if it was a coincidence or not. He looked
me right in the eyes and got an intense look on his face.
"So, Steve, what do you think ?"
"I think you should get your gas gauge fixed."
"Cut it out! You know what I mean."
"I like you Seth, I think I like you a lot."
"Do you want to head up to Mountain View for a
chaser. I've got some Bud Dry in my refrigerator."
"Oh wow, I love Bud Dry."
"Well ?"
"No Seth, not tonight, thank you, just... Not tonight."
"You mean you're not interested don't you ?"
"NO! No, that's not it, I am interested, really I am,
but... I don't know how to say this... Seth, I want
to go really slow with this. I always rush right into
things and I burn them out. Do you understand ? I do
it over and over again. I don't want that to happen."
"OK, do you want to get together again ? Maybe a movie
or something ?"
"Oh yes, I definitely do, please don't misunderstand me Seth.
I want to get to know you better. I'm just afraid, I'm
scared Seth. This is almost too much at once."
"So what do you have in mind Steve ? I don't want to
push you."
"Call me tommorrow night OK, I should be home. We'll talk."
"OK, are you sure ? Is there something wrong ?"
"It's just me Seth, it's all in me, I need to go home, I need
to be alone for awhile ?"
I felt really rotten, he was looking at me, there was this
longing in his eyes. I was afraid I had hurt his feelings. Something
happened inside his head, something was going on in there, he looked
at me and his expression changed several times in the course of a
few seconds. I thought he was hurt, then I wondered if I had ruined
it already, his eyes got very moist looking. The cutie appeared
again with our check, he somehow knew we were done. Seth looked away
from me. Then the cutie was gone and Seth looked at me again.
"What time tommorrow night can I call you, Steve ?"
"Anytime, anytime Seth, call me as soon as you get home
OK ? Please, promise me you will call. I really do
like you a lot."
"OK, I'll call. I promise."
He looked a little bit better. The moistness was gone from
his eyes, those beautiful pure green eyes. I realized I had not been
breathing correctly for a few seconds and I took a long, deep breath.
He looked at me strangely for a second and I smiled back at him. It
was my 'try to get somebody to relax' smile and it worked instantly.
I saw the tension melt from his face. I picked up the check and took
out my wallet. He reached over to try to grab the check from my hand
but I was too quick for him.
"Let me get it Steve. I invited you."
"I'll compromise, Dutch treat..."
"You're tough !"
"Actually I'm very soft, and my skin is very smooth."
"I noticed !"
His smile was back, the tension was broken, I felt a huge
sense of relief. The last thing I had wanted to do was to hurt
Seth's feelings. I picked up the envelope that had been sitting
beside me all of this time and handed it to him.
"This is for you Seth."
"Those stories, oh wow, thanks!"
"I hope you like them."
We split the check and chugged the rest of our beers and
then I followed him outside. It was a very cold night and the sky
was clear. The cold air felt clean inside my nostrils, I saw my
breath. I found Orion easily and pointed it out to him. He
looked and then he turned and threw his arms around me tightly.
We hugged each other right there in the parking lot of Spoons,
in full view of the traffic on Fair Oaks Ave and all the people
along the line of windows in the restaurant. Then he kissed me.
[ continued in Seth Part Two ]
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