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Every one who grows up in America, and most of the rest of the world I guess, sooner or later has to face the question inside themselves, "Am I gay?". It seems really stupid to me. Anyone who knows just a little bit about human sexuality probably knows that terms like "gay" and "straight" really are not a perfect fit for most people. In fact most people are neither "straight" or "gay". In reality, most people are "bisexual" if you really must have a word for it. Even that word is severely abused, almost as badly abused as the people who use it to describe themselves, pariahs, rejects, hated by "gays" and "straights" alike. Certainly not the sweethearts of Ann Landers' columns. Misunderstood by both extremes, rejected by both camps, the most natural of all human beings. I call myself "gay". Actually I like "Queer" a whole lot. It bothers a society that needs to be bothered. I wear it like an expensive piece of jewelry, a prize possession, my claim to fame. In reality, I'm just a person. If you took my life history from me, as a doctor might, I think you would conclude that I am bisexual. I have had significant sexual relationships with both men and women in my life. I insist on calling myself gay. At the present time I seek only men as sexual partners. The words are really stupid, they have no intrinsic importance, I am a person, like other people, who has sexual urges. My sexual urges are usually directed at other humans. Sometimes young boys who are just experiencing the increase of hormones that hits in the early stages of puberty are attracted to objects like doorknobs or pillows. Like having vision but not being able to focus. I guess it might happen to girls too, I never asked. Big deal! Eventually most humans begin to focus their sexual urges on other humans. This part is very convenient. I was chatting with this guy tonight on a BBS. He was in a big hurry to tell me that he is not gay. He has never had anal sex with a man. To his way of thinking, this means he is straight. He didn't even want to hear about the "bi-word", I think it would have crushed him. But he told me about this special friend, a person he likes to sleep with, a guy, and he is afraid that this guy might be falling in love with him. He could not see why this scares him. I could. The guy is in denial. Very, very common. Why are so many people so hung up about their own sexuality? Why does our society feel such a compulsive need to mess with people's heads about sex? Is it a big power trip as some people say? Does it serve to protect male dominance? I think it tends to screw up just about everybody's head. I think it reduces too many people to lives of desperation, fear and denial. I think there is more denial of sexuality in the world than most people have ever suspected. Whole empires have been built on it. Let's start at the beginning. Most people find some other people sexually attractive. First premise: It is good that most people are sexually attracted to some other people. In support of that first premise there is the obvious fact that were it not for sexual desire the human race would cease to exist. Enter the fundamentalists, the catholics, the moralists, pounce on my last statement, exploit it for your truth. Tell me that I have just proven that gay sex is immoral. I will laugh in your face! Throughout human history there have always been men that wanted to have sex, at least some of the time, with women. And there have always been women who wanted to have sex, at least some of the time, with men. Enough of these folks are usually around to provide at least enough babies, if not too many. Some folks who identify themselves as gay in this world like to use the term "Breeder" to describe parents. It seems crude and insulting to me, I bred, I have children, I certainly do not feel guilty about that. So, some folks make babies some of the time, this takes care of propagating the species. There are those who would like us to turn off our sexuality, deny what comes from down deep inside, unless it can be expected to produce progeny. These people should buzz off. They do not understand what sexuality is, what it is for. Sex is a means by which people, usually two at a time, share themselves with each other in the most intimate way possible. It is designed to be affirmative, supporting, re-inforcing to all involved, a means of giving praise to whatever created us. Sex is a sacrament. The stuff that goes on in most churches is blasphemy. Sex is good. Hate is bad. Judgement is futile. Sex gives praise to god. Oh, I was going to talk about being gay, wasn't I ? OK, I'm gay. Oh no! Run for cover, it's another one of those horrible faggots. I go to bed with other guys, and then later I feel glad that I did it! I must be one of those aggressive ones, the ones the liberals can almost tolerate. Outspoken, proud, looking to be in a better world. I think I might have to wait a while. But I won't. I'm making my own world now, here, immediately. You're welcome to come along, I hope you enjoy the ride, but don't try to slow me down because I am impatient. Second premise: If two people both want to do something together, which will not harm either one of them, or anyone else, society should not interfere. I like guys. I like to do sexual things with guys. I'm not a woman. I'm not a woman trapped in a man's body, I'm a guy. The guys I do things with like the things I do. It's our business, if you mind it, too bad. Some guys are attracted to both guys and girls. Some girls are attracted to both girls and guys. Masters and Johnson did a lot of research and they concluded that MOST guys are attracted to both guys and girls, that MOST girls are attracted to both girls and guys. Where are all of these bisexuals hiding ? Inside their own heads, I think. They are so choked up by all of the rules that say this is bad, or that is bad, or you can be one of these, or one of those, but you have to choose real quick now. And of course if you do THAT you are obviously one of THOSE and you always will be. Why do we put up with this crap ? Why don't we just reject it all and start from scratch ? Our society forbids this. It strikes great fear into the powers that be. I wish more people could see the hooks that have been sunk into them. I wish more people had the courage to throw out all of the rules, and do as they are led to do, and develop into what they really are. Back to being gay again. I really like women. They tend to be compassionate and open and warm. We need more women in power in this world. Barbara Bush should feel free to tell George what a jerk he is. Marilyn Quayle should accept the fact that she is twice the man her husband is. But for me, it is guys that turn me on. Guys that get me horny. Guys I want to get naked with. Hate me if it will make you feel better. Tell me I am bad, I won't listen, you can get it out of your system. But try to remember that skinny guy that was in your gym class. Remember how you got those funny feelings. Father Murphy was wrong, it is not bad, Father Murphy just could not deal with his own sexuality. That is why it came bursting out as a power trip directed at some poor young altar boy. And the altar boy is injured emotionally, and Father Murphy feels remorse. But because he is in denial it happens again. So he goes to confession, and thinks some guy with a beard forgives him. Father Murphy needs to forgive himself! Conclusion : People should let themselves be themselves and not ask so many questions about it.
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