National Assault Rifle Association

Dear Friend and Fellow American Patriot My name is Chuck Grimsword and I am writing to you today because of some serious concerns which I have regarding an awful movement in this great nation of ours. I'm referring, as I'm sure many of you reading this letter already know, to the conspiracy that would allow Government Terrorists to deprive you and I of our lawful, God Given, Right to bear Weapons of Mass Destruction. Some people in this great country, (and I do mean the candy ass, eat at McDonalds, draft dodging, marry a shrew, run again for President types), would like to make it harder for honest citizens like you and I to carry devices intended for no other purpose than sport, self defense, televised standoffs or battles against the infamous Homosexual Agenda. And friends, you just never know these days when you are going to run into a government agent, a homosexual, or even, Heaven forbid, a homosexual liberal media government agent. I guess it was way back in '67 that I became set on my path to national recognition and spokesmanship for the NARA and other anti-gummint causes. That was the year I dropped out of high school and signed up for the US Army. I was not going to miss out on all that action over in 'Nam. Believe me, fellow Patriots, I did NOT miss out on the action. Those were the days, when the US Government stood up for itself. I was given my first Assault Rifle by the US Army, and believe me friends, I put it to good use. I remember a few times when the chicken liberal types in my platoon were too sissified to fight. I had to single handedly take out a few of those villages that we really suspected had Viet Cong sympathizers in them. I want you to know that without my trusty Assault Rifle, I could never have been a war hero. I still cringe today at all the lies of the liberal media, even in those days, criticizing me for what I did. If those women and children were not guilty, why were they trying so hard to get away ? Clearly, the Assault Rifle is the instrument of choice of all True American Patriots. Now I have a question for you friend, my fellow American, are you going to let a bunch of draft dodging, homo loving, liberal college graduate types take your weapons away ? I sure hope that you are not one of those Liberal Newspaper Homo Types ! I hope your answer is a resounding NO that will be heard at the Secret McDonalds they built just for You-Know-Who in the White House Basement. You just never know, these days, with all the ethnic types, and I'm sure you know which ones I mean. A person could get jumped. Not to mention those Homos with their gol darn Agenda. Sure, I had to do a little bit of mild pistol whipping, as training mind you, but now when a member of my family carries out the trash; you can be sure they have one hand free and it has an Assault Rifle in it! So far we have not had one ethnic type or newspaper homo bothering any of OUR kids! I recommend it friends, very strongly, you need to be prepared for the days ahead. Get yourself at least one Assault Rifle for each and every member of your family. Show them that you love them and you have strong moral values. Show them you care. There is nothing like a shiny, steely glinting, well oiled Assault Rifle to prove your love is real. Now friends, Patriots, fellow Assault Rifle afficionados, I have one small favor left to ask of you. It costs us lots of money to send out these mailings. To get a congressperson to vote in our favor keeps getting more and more expensive too. A Mercedes Benz is nothing to these people anymore. Now they want private jets, gold inlaid Assault Rifle paper weights, all sorts of expensive bangles. If there is anything you can do, some small contribution, it would help ever so much. Please use the enclosed envelope and send as much as you possibly can. We'll use it to give the Burger King a good run for his money. As a special, for this month only, if you can manage a $500 donation, we will be happy to send you a lovely, gold plated pair of Assault Rifle ear rings for the little lady. We're sure you will have no trouble at all getting her to wear them, if you know what I mean, and your whole family will be helping to preserve the American Way. Weapon In Hand Chuck Grimsword