Dear Customer

Dear Sir Thanks for your Letter of May 1, 1996 We deeply regret Our error In shipping To your home an AK47 assault rifle In lieu of The jasmine incense Deluxe assortment with Buddha incense holder bonus It is indeed unfortunate About the death of your Upstairs neighbor Which you report Occurred when you Dropped the AK47 Startled, as you say, You were Certainly, sir We can understand Your consternation And I can assure you We do not usually Ship the AK47 Fully loaded As you report At the present time We are assuming One of the boys back in shipping Was playing A little joke So far our internal Audit Conducted by an executive Who drives a Lexus And Wears a Three Piece Suit Suggests there may be Some anti-Buddhist Sentiment In our shipping department You mention how cute The upstairs neighbor Who died From the accidental firing Of the AK47 unit Really was I feel your loss I know what it must be like Trying to sleep at night Knowing you no longer Have a cute college guy Upstairs Please accept Our condolences And the enclosed Personally autographed Copy of "Assault Weapons in the Private Home" by Chuck Grimsword Sincerely The Management Rocky's House of Incense and Weaponry Boise, Idaho