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I've decided to call it the vacation of coming out. The stated purpose for this vacation was to allow me to travel back East to Massachusetts to attend the high school graduation of my older son. That alone of course would have made for a very worthwhile vacation. Coincidentally or not it had happened that a few weeks before my trip my two sons had a conversation with my ex wife. They had presented her with their "hunch" that I was gay and she found herself unable to deny it to them. So there was one great big cat out of the bag. Each of my sons called me within 24 hours of that conversation with their mother. Each of them told me that they still loved me. I knew it would take a while for them to get used to the fact that their father is gay. I knew it was just a matter of time and that I only needed to keep loving them as I always had. My story has been told many times before. Catholic background, strict religious family (with plenty of love), 12 years of Catholic school. How could I be gay ? Those gay people are perverts and sickos. It must be a phase. I got married thinking it would "cure" me. Ha! The story has been told many times. Let me tell you about my vacation instead. I had come out to all of the other adults in my family within the last year. I came out to my boss at work and the few coworkers that were my friends and whom I cared about. I had come out to my very best friend, Paul, a straight man who has known me for twenty years, my soul mate in some way that neither of us really understands. I'll never forget Paul's reaction... "Yeah, so what ? Did you think I was going to hate you because of who you make love to ? You're my friend." Good old Paul, he'll be my friend until the day we are both dead. So the night I got off the plane, after a quick visit to my kids with lots of hugs and kisses I was off to Paul and Kathy's house for one of our case of Miller Lite nights. To my great surprise Richard "Tex" Charoff was also in town, on vacation from Texas and we all had an impromptu reunion of Triple XXX, the rock band I had done lights with during the dark days of my divorce in 1983 and 84. It was fantastic. It was a trip back in time. The hell with the jet lag from my red eye flight East, we partied into the night. Ethan, my younger son, is the one that everyone refers to as my clone. He is essentially just like I was at his age, he looks like I did, it freaks out the old friends of the family who knew me as a child. Ethan was worried that my being gay had implications for him, in light of his being (as everyone said) my clone. I had intended to wait until Ethan was older, secure in his own identity (he is 15 now) and then I planned to come out to him. But the cat was out of the bag now and we can only go on from here. "Ethan" I assured him " I love you and no matter who you are I will always love you. You need to feel the same way." It is that kind of unconditional, all accepting love that runs through my entire family. I give credit to my mother, a saintly woman who taught me well from an early age. So then there is my older son, Daryl. Daryl the kind, Daryl the fair, Daryl who thirst and hungers for justice for all mankind. I am very proud of Daryl. Daryl made it clear to me in no uncertain terms that he still loved me as much as he always had and he always would. I really was not the slightest bit surprised. I see Daryl someday fighting for the rights of gays simply because his Dad is gay and he loves me. You would have to meet him to understand. Daryl is righteous. Who else ? Well let's see. I came out to several of my ex wife's in laws. Something that (I now learn back in California) seems to have pissed her off. She'll live. I came out to a friend of mine who runs a BBS back in Worcester MA, I knew he would be accepting and he was. I came out to a young man that I had sort of taken under my wing a while back when his father died. Jeff is a fine young man, straight through no fault of his own, and open to everyone. I think he said " This will have no effect on how I feel about you as a person" - pretty good response I thought for a 16 year old, and he didn't hesitate a second. But certainly the best part of my vacation was Daryl's graduation party. I had agreed to chaperone the party at the little cottage on Indian Lake that my ex wife's family owns. What a great bunch of kids ! On the way to the airport in San Francisco I had stopped at Shouts (a gay bar in Redwood City) and bought a Shouts T-Shirt. It featured a giant pink triangle, our symbol. One by one I brought Daryl's friends out to the kitchen, showed them my shirt, and as needed explained what it meant to them. By the time the party ended these open minded kids were asking me all sorts of questions about being gay, about my boyfriends (I have two, OK?) and about how and when I had known I was gay. It was so liberating to me and I think I may have opened some minds that night to a new way of perceiving gay people. Finally it was graduation day. My son was graduating from High School. A very unusual experience and one that many gay men do not get to experience. I certainly have no regrets for the road which has brought me to where I am today. No-one saw the tears in my eyes as far as I know. Then there was the party at Daryl's mother and stepfathers house. I wore my shirt from Shouts. I went around asking the people who did not seem to react if they knew what the Pink triangle meant. I think I really pissed off my ex wife. She will get over it. The very next morning Daryl and I both got up early. He flew back here to the peninsula with me for a vacation. He has met both of my boyfriends and he seems to get along very well with them. I am not surprised. Somewhere along the way Daryl learned to love people the way that they are. That's what I think us gay folks need to do. Learn to love people the way that they are. Including ourselves. It was my vacation of coming out.
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