Jessica

From my slightly elevated, mini-van height; I could see at least three cars in front of me. It was a typical gas pedal/brake pedal, traffic jam commute. I was drifting away, giving only part of my consciousness to the driving, and thinking in the background about my life. I thought of a boy I had known many years ago, when I was still a boy, how much I had wanted him, and how consistently he did not want me. Oh well. With my vision focused on the freeway again I noticed the sign mentioned Shoreline, and I knew I had to get ready to be getting off the freeway, it was almost my exit and I was going home alone, as usual. I thought about a man I had met the past summer, things we had done, and things we had never done. Left at the light, over the freeway, then right, to the unit, the place that I share, my home with another Queer who is a very good friend. Blue jeans and cold beer would combine to sing a song, a melody of praise to the end of another week. I thought about going out for the night, celebrating my still not being dead, and reveling in the fact of being Queer. I thought of Republican, Neo-Fascist, hate mongering, homophobic trash, and my pulse jumped only a little bit. Then I realized, it was OK to feel anger, and I let it flood over me, engulf me, sweep me out of my being and into some sense of resignation, then peace. The scene fades... Some guy was looking at me. I was sitting in a bar. It was a gay bar, which explained my presence, and he was presumably gay, but I was terrified he might ask how old I was. I wanted to flirt with him, but I couldn't. Eventually he left, no more alone than when he had arrived. He was really cute. I sort of regretted not having spoken to him. But I was really tired of rejection, and did not want to "put out" in that emotional sense of vulnerability. I had let him get away. It was my fault, as usual. Then it dawned on me that I really did not want him very much, anyway. Later that night I met a friend. We talked about our few heterosexual friends. They are people too! We shared a pitcher of beer that night. Before that very pitcher of beer was empty, a lovely young he-she came along. Right away, in that initial glance, I knew I was drawn to this person. Perfect shoulders, slender waist, it was a boy girl sent from heaven, an answer to my prayers. He-she looked at me, staring in the way of a he-she, all about sizing up a man. I began hoping that I might be the relief he-she was looking for. He-she was exceptionally cute. Thin, bony, high cheek, strong features set atop a lanky, slender and angular body. I wondered if my hands might be able to reach around hir tiny waist. Imaginary visions of hir naked flashed through the seeing place in my head. It was a case of hir wanting to wear women's things, a black dress, nylons, spiked heels, a wig; to convince anyone that he-she was female. With the heels he-she appeared to be about six feet tall, a black wig seemed to match the black stubble where hir beard was rushing back, as if hir face wanted to insist on being one specific gender. He-she moved like a lady, that part had been well practiced. It worked, at least it worked for me. Yet I could not come on to hir, for fear I'd just be slung an insult. Part of my mind already had hir pants pulled down. Yet the part which does fear was self aware, self directed, looking for a reason to panic. I kept sneaking little glances, quick, so he-she would not see me. Such a masculine back and waist, what marvelously slim he-she arms. He-she came over and sat next to me, bringing hir glass of beer. I wanted to thrust my face into hir crotch. I acknowledged that feeling in myself, I gave praise to the source of my sexuality, though it remains unknown to me. We made idle conversation, about the rain outside, the traffic; earthquakes and places to drink beer. I was noticing how slender he-she was, and the smoothness of hir skin. We got around to talking about men wearing ladies clothes. I remarked on how this excites me. That must have been me making my move. I asked for a name and was told to use Jessica. By that use of a name, our interaction settled into hir being female, I left it for later to change her back, like a transformer, to my favorite gender of male. I asked hir a few questions and started seriously to pursue. Memories flooded back to me of that night back in Massachusetts, and the first time I turned what seemed to be a girl back into a boy. I felt a stirring inside my blue jeans. Jessica bought us another pitcher of beer. It went down slowly. We talked and talked for hours over that pitcher, and then another one. By this time he-she was the cutest thing I had ever seen. I'm not sure my speech was completely OK, I might have been slurring a little, but we were bonding, we were finding things that we had in common. Somewhere in this time frame all of my doubts about what was to happen that night melted away, and slid down the drain of uncertainty. I knew we were going to, I just did not know where, yet. I knew what I wanted to put, and where I wanted to put it. Jessica finally brought the subject of our conversation around to sex. We started talking about personal safety. With no shame in me at all I reached into my left front pocket and pulled out a condom and a tiny squeeze sample of lube. A Sheik Elite condom, they are white, thick, and very resistant to tearing. There were more condoms and more lube in that same pocket. I never go out to a bar without being prepared. At this point I had no idea if I was seducing or being seduced, and I honestly did not care. I was horny, very horny, and hir presence was not making me any less that way. Visions of hir naked and in my bed were floating before my consciousness. The things we might do, how much I wanted it, the importance of being sincere. "Jessica..." "Yes Steve ?" "Do you have a car ?" "No, but I have a truck." "Would you like to follow me home ?" "Yes, I think I would like that, I think I'd like that very much." "I intend to see that you do!" We left the rest of the beer. I said goodnight to the bartender, a lesbian friend who lifted her eyebrows ever so slightly. I smiled. It was a winter raining cold damp night. Jessica was parked down the street from me. I promised I would not lose hir as she followed me. Down El Camino, left on Shoreline, Pet Shop Boys blasting on my stereo, eyes on the mirror twice every second, one of her headlights was aimed too low. Guest parking lot, I led her to a parking place, told her to get in with me, my red van, I call it The Shuttlecraft, it looks like a spaceship, Chevy Lumina APV. I turned the stereo off for the two block ride. We held hands. Hir hand was soft and warm; I felt my body getting warmer down in the area of my crotch. Blood flowing down there, a stirring. The driveway, lights on inside, Donald probably still up. He knows who and what I am, he is Queer too. A marvelous friend. "Donald..." "Hello..." "This is Jessica" "Hello Jessica" "Hi, nice to meet you" Off to my room. Kissing. My tongue deep in her mouth. Feeling. Hands on her butt. Carressing. All over her - passion - erection - one hand on her ass now, one in the front. The boy part, hard, delicious, wanting her so. Slim arms, no hair, a true he-she, my erection. She uses each foot to take the shoe off the other, ladies shoes, my wife for tonight. Narrow space beside my waterbed. My hands reaching up now, underneath her dress, some kind of underwear, boys or girls, not sure! "Are you an Indian ?" "What ?" "Are you an American Indian ?" "Yes, how could you tell ?" "Your cheekbones, very high, I had a friend back East who was Indian. I had a crush on him, but he was straight. Terminally straight." "I may not be straight!" "Oh My" said I, as I lowered my hands, to lift up her dress. I undressed hir, standing up in my bedroom, facing each other, next to my waterbed. Bunny watched the whole thing. Bunny is my stuffed animal. He sleeps with me every night - if I do not have a man. I hug Bunny and he lays close up against my chest. It has never occurred to me to wonder if Bunny is gay. Careful with hir dress, I did not want to tear it. It turned out to be ladies underwear, a pretty flower pattern, that Jessica was wearing. My hand on hir cock, holding, massaging, feeling it grow. It turned out that she was a boy. I like boys, especially girly boys. Hir truck was a Ford F150. I laid hir down on my waterbed. Nothing but underwear and nylons on hir now, ladies underwear, all lace and frilly, black nylons. I shed most of my clothes in what seemed like an instant, throwing them into my lavender laundry basket, by Rubbermaid. My mind flashes on rubbers, condoms, good supply right on my night stand, and lube, Wet brand, it is. I twirled my jeans around my head for a second, dramatic and playful, savoring the moment. I left my own underwear on, it happened to be mens underwear, I'm often male. I helped hir take off the nylons. Kneeling beside my own bed, my lips giving praise to hir erection. Munching, teasing, getting hir harder. It was thin but long. Such pleasure, absolute debauchery, what would the book of Leviticus have to say ? I lay down on my bed now, spread out on top of hir, as I plunge my tongue deep inside her mouth. I surveyed her teeth with my tongue. She was thrusting back up against me, as if to resist my invasion, a hopeless cause. Body heat, passion, wanting to invade hir, she submitting to my attention. My hands went to hir waist. The waistband, final obstruction, me wanting to conquer, tissue memories of plunging deep inside men. "Lift up!" She did, I threw her underwear over my shoulder, heat of the night, feeling so male. I slid my own underwear off in a motion too smooth for me. Amazed with the reality of what was happening. "Steve ?" "Yes ?" "Will you fuck me ?" "Later..." His head on my pillows, my face in his crotch. I took all of him in my mouth. He was naked now, undeniably male. No pubic hair at all, none, he had shaved himself. I believed it was just for me, and of course it was not, since we had never seen each other before a few hours ago. Taste of man in my mouth. All of him. My girlyboy. Deep throating. Taste of precum. I have never been harder, his amorphous gender a passion in my groin. I wanted to fuck him. Bunny was watching us from his perch on my headboard. My stuffed rabbit. Bunny is nice, he's never jealous when I bring a real man home. He knows I will hug him if I'd otherwise be alone. My second fiddle. "How do you want it ?" "Can I lay on my side ?" "That's perfect." I reach over Jessica to the night stand, the condom I happened to grab was yellow, same color as Bunny. I lick his ear as I grab the lube. Kissing his neck as I lube him. "Do you want to put the condom on me ?" smiling. "Yes" I tear open the package and hand it to him. Lifestyles, cute name for a condom, at least they know their market base. He bends down over my crotch, I see my dick disappear inside his face, warm-wonderful-sensations-sliding-wet. Really fast now, bobbing up and down on me. I hadn't expected this, it is wonderful. Faster, I'm so hard now. His hand caressing my balls. My cock never felt so big, or so good. I feel my balls starting to tighten. Pleasure shooting through me, my ass muscles tighten. Too close, almost there, head like only a man can give. "Jessica.... If you want me to fuck you... Getting close...." "I'm sorry Steve!" "Don't be sorry, that was marvelous." He sits up, I push him down. Lips on his lips, tongue in his mouth, a little invasion that promises another one, he yields, feel him relax, I roll up onto him, my legs between his legs, his cock hard against my belly, mine hard down against his butt. No condom yet, can't go in there, thrusting, waves in my waterbed. Bunny watching. His neck, want his neck, sucking skin, he'll have a hickey, I don't care. Taste of his skin, salty, man. Black wig, over what, I don't know, I don't care. Thrusting, back and forth in the crack of his ass, wet there, the lube, my crotch against his balls. Tremendous waves. Will my waterbed burst ? Frame is creaking, wood complaining, Bunny watching. I climb up on his chest now, knees beside his arms, those smooth arms, strong and feminine, taste of his sweat still in my mouth. He is mine, I have him, I can do anything that I want. I want to fuck him, but not yet. I put my dick right in front of his face, he lifts his head, where is that condom ? His right hand is closed, maybe inside it. I park my ass on his chest and reach back behind me, for his manhood. Stroking him now, I can't see it, I'm watching his face, his expression, he likes this, I am glad. He's trying to get the head of my dick in his mouth, can't quite reach it. I slide up a bit closer, he licks it with his tongue. I see the flavored stuff on my nightstand, cinnamon lube. I let go of his member and reach over to get it, as I do a few inches of me slide into his mouth. "Do you like cinnamon, Jessica?" "Huh?" "Look, cinnamon, I could put some on me, want to taste it ?" "Yes, I mean, put it on, yes, go ahead." I let a few drops drip onto me, then a stream, all the way down to my pubes, the whole length of it. I spead it out, kneeling up above him, he can see, but his mouth will not reach. "Ask nicely" "Please ?" "More nicely!" "Pretty please ?" "Can you ask any nicer than that ?" "Pretty please with a cinnamon dick ?" "Good boy, good girlyboy, you may have it now." I hover just above him, dick aimed at the bridge of his nose. He moves his head and sucks it in. I lower myself down, sliding into his mouth. I feel dominant and that is good. Back of his throat, Oh My, so good. I move up. My balls are starting to ache, but I want to play some more. I move down, oh so slowly, he is moaning, that feels good, he likes this and so do I. He is so submissive that it tickles. I feel his hands on my ass. Now a finger near my butthole. Oh My. His fingertips, tickling, the ache, the desire, up, down, very slowly. I shudder and shake with delight. My knees feel the particle board under the waterbed mattress, my feet either side of his chest, up and down, slowly. No sign of the red cinnamon lube, he has licked it all off, he's a good girlyboy. Time to fuck now. No warning I'm just up and off him, my dick slightly cold in the air now, shiny, his saliva. I'm beside him now, turn around, lay down on the bed beside him, face toward him, long slow kiss. "Do you still have the condom, Jessica ?" There are plenty more where that one came from, plenty more. "I do, yes" He sits up. His left hand holding my cock, puts it there with the other, yellow over my purple head, is that really my cock ? It looks so big now, it's so hard. He squeezes the end with one hand, rolls it down with the other, latex touching my pubic hair. I hand him the lube. He lubes the outside of the condom, plenty of it, good boy. He is a boy now, he has to be a boy, so I can fuck him. "Thank you Jessica. Please lay on your side now." He does. We are both on our left sides, facing the door, My purple bathrobe on the back of the door, terrycloth, very Queer. He has his knees pulled up halfway in a V shape, his butt out toward me, beautiful boy butt, all mine for tonight, I take the lube from his right hand and put more on him, then with yet more on my index finger inside him, all the way, as far as my finger will go. I move my finger around, loosening him, relaxing him, then my hand goes to my penis, around the base, and I guide it to his hunger. I feel it lining up and I push very slightly. The head is in, back of his neck, wig in the way, I push it aside. I blow on the back of his neck as I push a little bit deeper. He sighs very softly. My face goes to his shoulder, right shoulder, I see the hickey on his neck. I open my mouth as I push a little bit further, very slowly, very gentle, right now. My front teeth on his naked skin, that strong bit of muscle from the shoulder to the neck, drives me crazy on a man, I bite, softly as I push all the rest of the way. So nice, so very nice. "I'm going to fuck you now Jessica." "Oh yes." "I'm going to fuck you very hard Jessica." "Yes please." "I'm going to bite you while I'm fucking you Jessica." "You're an animal." "We'll see." I pull back as I line my teeth up on that muscle. I throw the lube on the floor. I bite him as I slam back in. It sets up a wave in my waterbed. I use it on the next stroke. Oh this is good, this is very good, my own little girlyboy toy. He likes it, he is making happy subvocal sounds, I slam harder on the next stroke, it pushes him over a bit on the bed. I pull him close with my right arm as if my arm was a seat belt, so he doesn't hit the sideboard. No need to bruise the poor thing, a few teeth marks maybe, a hickey here or there, but no lasting harm. I bite him further up toward his neck. Faster now, very deep, I feel my pelvic bone slam up against his girlyboy ass on each stroke. He is mine. The waves and I seem perfectly in synch. I am hot, in both ways, sweat is rolling down my chest onto the sheets, Jessica is covered with my saliva from shoulder to neck. I love the sheen of it in the light from my buddha lamp with the orange shade. I am fucking him. Really fast, getting closer, my nuts tighten up again. "I'm not hurting you, am I ?" "No, it's nice." "Good." So hard, waterbed creaking, Bunny watching, so deep inside him, so hard. My teeth are sliding over his skin now, saliva lube. I bite the back of his neck now, that tendon, there is one of on each side. Oh yes, he tastes so good! Oh yes, here it is, oh yes. "I'm cumming!" "Yes" "I'm cumming!" "Yes, in me, cum in me!" Hot spasms of delight, so good that it almost hurts. Tingles all up and down me, my legs shoot out straight all on their own. It consumes me. I am not even there in the room for a second. I feel it shooting into the condom. Good boy, good girlyboy, yes. I release his neck just as I get my release, I pull him so close our skin might never come apart again. More of it. Still spurting. "Oh Jessica, YES!" Silence. Dead silence. The waves die down as I relax my grip on him. No TV in the livingroom. Donald must have gone to bed. I need to rest a minute. My heart is beating as if it will break. Good exercise, fun too. My right hand goes down to his cock. He is still hard. We are not done yet, Jessica did not get off. "Jessica ?" "Yes ?" "Thank you." "Thank you Steve." "Will you sit on my chest please ? I want to blow you." "That's going to be hard to do with your dick up my ass." As he says this I slowly pull out of him. It seems to take a long time. As if I was hugely hung, as if I'd been in him two feet. Strangely good as it comes all the way out. The condom is still intact, it is milky yellow at the end, what a huge load. I pull it off and throw it in the trash can. I grab a washcloth from the headboard and wipe myself, then with another one I wipe his butt. They go right in the lavender clothes basket that Rubbermaid. I roll back on to my back and he gets up and over me, one knee on each side of me, as he was before. He moves up a bit. It's right there. I open my mouth and lift my head from the pillow. I take him in my mouth. He tastes good, very good, the head of his cock is deeply purple, skin of the shaft smooth, he thrusts his hips and suddenly I feel a fullness in my throat. My nose where his pubic hair had been, only dark stubble, male musky scent. He starts moving back and forth, fucking my face. I catch glimpses of his face each time he pulls back, staring down at me, watching his manhood sliding in and out. Each time that spot in the back of my throat waits to feel the head of his cock. Very wet now, saliva running down my chin. He goes faster, harder, my nose poking into his groin on the downthrust, lips sliding the length of him, almost pulling out, then back in. I am loving it. My hands on his cute little butt, pulling him in, encouraging him, fingertips lightly across the smoothness. He starts moaning, moaning faster and faster, he is getting close, I'm sliding my hands up and down his sweet thighs, to the bottom of the cheeks, following his rhythm, to excite him. "Oh, oh, oh, oh" He pulls out of me, jerking up above me, hand on his cock holding it down, he shoots his boy juice all over my neck and my face as I smile. The first pulse of his cum is small and translucent, then a huge gob of milky white stuff, then drops of sticky pure white sperm juice drip down on my chest, onto that one little patch of hair between my tits. He is smiling warmly. "Oh Steve, thank you." "That was nice, come here. I pull him down on top of me as he slides his knees down. He lays prone, stretched out on top of me, his weight a comfortable blanket on my skin, all the sticky stuff in between us. He rubs his cheek in the cum on my face, spreading it out, destroying his makeup, we both covered in boy cum. The girlyboy with the Ford pickup. I run my fingertips up and down his back. Ever so slowly he goes completely limp, releasing his weight completely. I speak. "Let's rest." Quiet, near sleep, total peace. "Will you stay the night ?" "Yes." Then sleep, he rolls off me, his back toward me, on his side again, but now he is facing Bunny. I cuddle up to him, my soft and satisfied cock pressed lightly to his butt. Arm across his rib cage, hand in the flatness of his chest. We drift off. I wake up to the sunrise and he is gone. He has put Bunny beside me, where he was last night. I see a pair of underwear on the chair by my desk. Putting on my glasses as I get up. Jessica is gone, all her clothes are gone, except the underwear. Ladies underwear, cotton bikinis, floral print. There's a post it note on the underwear. It says: "Thanks, here's a souvenir." With two pushpins I tack hir panties on to my cork board. I wonder if I'll ever see hir again. I turn back to my bed. "Well Bunny, what do you think ?" Bunny smiles, Bunny always smiles, I smile back.