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I've been attracted to Asian men for a long time. There just were not that many of them around back East. I had never heard the term Rice Queen until one time, in a gay bar here in California, I told a bartender that I fancied this certain guy. "Oh! You're a Rice Queen." "Huh?" "A Rice Queen" "I heard what you said. What's a Rice Queen?" "Oh Steve, you really ARE from out of town!"So he explained, and I understood, and it was just another label I could wear on my shirt, if I wanted to, like the one that says "Out of The Closet". That was a few months ago. I was seeing someone at the time. Since then we broke up. Shit happens. There was this guy on a bulletin board in San Jose. He had seen the messages I posted, he had this image of me that he seemed to like, we had been exchanging Emails for a while. He kept wanting to meet me and I kept putting him off. I get a lot of Email. I call a lot of boards. Then I was single again. He made the mistake of asking how my weekend had been and I told him. His reply was very warm and friendly, sympathetic. I looked him up again in the Match Maker, possible, maybe, sounds interesting. I knew from the Email that we had traded that he was a sensitive guy. He was always talking about relationships and people, never about how big this or that piece of flesh was. His messages were usually rich in emotional content. He had been treated poorly by a lover, he was licking his wounds. I gave him my phone number. His description on this board was not a picture of my dream lover. Shorter than me, that's a plus, but fourty pounds heavier. I figured he must be fat. Of course few of us have perfect bodies, and those who do can be hard to get next to. They suffer from fears I do not have. Like the fear that someone wants them just for their looks, not their mind. My situation is more of the opposite, lucky for me I can think. But I don't care if it's just my mind, 'cause it's a package deal, you get my body too, for what it's worth. He called me on a Thursday night, a lot of other people did too. Business, another Sysop, another admirer, two friends, my sister. I spent a lot of time on the phone that night, but mostly with him, my China Boy. He's only twenty five. Black hair, no surprise, he was born in Taiwan, came here as a child. Not much of an accent, obviously bright. He's into computers. He knew a lot about me already. It seemed he had studied me. We decided to meet at Club St. John in San Jose. Friday night, nine o'clock. Can't hurt just meeting people, good to have friends, I'll play it by ear. It was my week to be on call, twenty four hours, seven days. I warned him I could get a call, be on a plane to Seattle, he didn't care. I had been selected. He admired me. He'd take his chances. I already had a call lined up for Friday, 5PM in Campbell, but it was just moving a modem from one circuit to another, no-brainer, ten minute job worst case. I didn't know all the details, I had a surprise coming. Lots of driving that day, that whole week, I was tired. Home from my first call, I called dispatch, Michelle answered. We did six closeouts from the week and I told her I had a date. She wished me luck. Traffic jam on 101, real bad, Guadalupe exit backed up all the way to Sunnyvale, I was almost late getting to the customer's site. The customer told me it was a multipoint circuit, there were eight other drops, the plan was to cut them all at one time, test for five minutes, then split. Nobody wants to work on a Friday night. It took an hour for everyone to be onsite, then we cut it. 6:15 PM, I was saying my prayers. I had fasted all day, I do that sometimes, my body wants to be fat but I won't let it. I was planning to eat on my way to the club. One drop of the circuit was in Fresno, a new guy going there, he came from AT&T, he's amazingly stupid. An hour went by, waiting for a phone call, tension, worry, I do not stand people up, I prefer to lay them down. I called Fresno. Got Tom on the phone.
"What's going on Tom?"
"It's weird man, I mean I can measure the carrier on the demarc,
it's -16db, but I hook up the modem and it does not see it. I
tried a new cable."
"Tom, wasn't the modem working on the old circuit when you got
there ?"
"Yes"
"Are you using the same cable ?"
"Yes."
"Therefore it is a good cable."
"Yes, I guess so."
"So the problem must be something else."
Long pause.. "Yeah"
I could see his mouth hanging open over the phone.
"You said you saw carrier on the demarc, right?"
"Yes"
"Are the pairs correct?"
"Huh?"
"The installer could have put the receive pair and the transmit
pair in the wrong places, try reversing the pairs."
Another long pause. Four wires to disconnect and then reconnect.
I heard the fear in his voice
"Oh, uh, OK, I'll try that, thanks Steve."
An hour and a half later he manages to disconnect all four
wires and put every single one in the right place. The circuit comes
up in a half of a second, the customer tests it, the levels are low
at one drop, Fresno. Smoke is coming out of my ears, dense black
smoke, murder is on my mind. I don't want to kill Tom, he can't
help having only 2 cards out of 52, I want to kill whoever hired
him. I have a date in 45 minutes, I am NOT going to be late, I don't
do late. I have not eaten a thing all day, I'm irritable as hell.
I call the central site in Connecticut, it's pushing Midnight there. They are not completely thrilled either, Craig comes on the line. Back East I did Tech Support, Craig was one of my twenty five FE's. While the customer decides what to do Craig and I have a great chat, he's a very good technician and an old friend. I tell him I have a date later, he assumes it is with a woman, I tell him he used the wrong pronoun but it goes over his head. Someday I'll have to have a long talk with Craig. Finally we get the word, they will live with the low levels, we are released. I call Michelle in dispatch.
"Hi Michelle, it's Steve, 20:40, the call is complete, can I
close it out tommorrow please ?"
"Oh my god, you're late aren't you ?"
"I think I can make it but I've got to rush, please, let me go."
"You get out of there, call me tommorrow, have fun!"
Michelle is really cool, I like her, I can't imagine anyone
not liking her. I force myself to walk out of the building and not
run. I get to my van and pull out my map of San Jose. I know how
to get to Club St. John but not from here, not the fastest way, and
I want fast bigtime. The map says that 87 does not reach 280 yet,
still under construction, but I think the map is dated. I decide to
go 17 to 280 to 87 to Julian. If it works out OK I will make it.
It did. I was ten minutes early. He was not there yet. Cool.
I had hoped there would be snacks or something there. I was hungry enough to start gnawing on my own arm. Some group was having a dinner there, lasagna for fifteen bucks a pop, worthy cause, I passed. I ordered an O'Douls. One beer and I would have been on the floor. I was tired too, extremely tired, the bartender came back to chat, friendly smile. He knew he did not know me.
"Man am I exhausted, I worked thirteen hours today."
"Wow! I'd be tired too. I think I'd be home in bed."
"Well, I'm supposed to meet someone here, a date, it's a blind
date."
"Hmmm, those can be interesting."
"Well, we met through a Bulletin Board, you know, an Electronic
Bulletin Board."
"Oh, I've heard those can be really nice."
"Yeah, well, a blind date is still a blind date, this guy sounds
cool though. We'll see."
"Well, best of luck."
"Thanks"
My date to be and I had spoken at great lengths about how we
would recognize each other. I told him I would be wearing blue jeans
and white sneakers and a white T-shirt, a gay white T-shirt, with
drawings of two stick people guys holding hands, Adam and Steve.
I'm Steve. I've been searching for Adam for many years. Maybe Adam
is Chinese ? Too soon to say. I had thrown in my pink, flourescent,
nylon baseball cap for good measure, with a pink triangle button
pinned to the front. If he missed me with that description I didn't
want to meet him anyway. After two sips of the O'Douls I felt a
change in my body. The cells were not vibrating as fast, I was
starting to relax. My tiredness hit me like a ton of high speed
multiplexers. I wanted to sleep on the bar. I caught the
bartenders eye.
"Could I have a cup of coffee please?" "Sure, cream and sugar ?" "Yes please, both"Having nothing much else to do at the time, my body absorbed the caffeine very quickly. I was wide awake but still nervous. Would I like him? Would I find him attractive? Should I be at home, in bed, alone, sleeping off a hard week at work? I knew I wanted to meet him. I was curious too. He might be my prince charming. He might see me, still like me, want to spend the night getting to know me. The coffee made me alert again. I looked around. There was not a Chinese guy in sight. I took another sip. I was starving. Maybe he'll want to go grab a bite to eat. Suddenly this guy walks around the corner staring at me. He's Asian, he's a big man, not fat, large, like a weightlifter or a football player. He is smiling, I notice his jet black hair, dark eyes, round face, high forehead. His nose is small and short. My first impression is that he looks more Hawaiian than Chinese. My second impression is that he is one of those big people who could be agressive but prefers to be gentle. "Steve ?" "Yes, hi, how are you ?" "Oh fine, did you get my message on your machine ?" "No, I got hung up on that service call, had to come straight here, fortunately I had my Adam and Steve shirt on under my dress shirt."He laughs and we do idle chatter, and I start to really relax, almost too much. I can tell there is something about him that I like but I'm not sure what it is. He speaks very softly, in the fashion of a humble person. He orders a Calistoga. He looks right at me when I speak, his face is expressive, it gives good feedback. He is honest, I can tell. I tell him about the ordeal I've just been through and I ask if he would mind if we went somewhere to get a bite to eat. He agrees instantly, we finish our drinks and walk out to an unusually warm, pleasant night. We ended up walking around downtown San Jose for several hours. We saw one place to eat but it was full of yuppies with their straight dates. Another place was closing, another just did not look right. I had lost awareness of my hunger, my body had decided to quit protesting for a while. We were walking and talking and it was tremendously nice. We walked to the campus of SJSU as he told me of his time there, his activities in the gay support group. I was seeing that this guy had no concept of a closet, cool. He listens so politely when someone speaks, so intent on the other persons words, giving respect in very subtle mannerisms. Very Chinese. We walked back towards Market St. We talked about our childhoods, our families, exlovers, old friends. I still could not put my finger on why, but I knew I liked him. I was really starting to relax. There were many people out on the streets. It was the beginning of fall, but the night was warmer than most summer nights. The weather was perfect, crescent moon, light breeze. As people would walk by us I watched their eyes, to see if they noticed my shirt, and how they reacted. San Jose is such a peaceful city, friendly, calm. I felt good, glad to be alive, glad to be with him. He got worried about my eating, wanting to stop in each place. I suggested we keep walking. I was having too good of a time just strolling around with him. Finally he insisted. Original Joes was too crowded, 35 minute wait, we left. We ended up in a small Italian place on First St, next to Macs, a gay bar. The smell of garlic was sensational. My hunger returned in a flash. I had ravioli, he had lasagna, nice meal. By now it was pushing Midnight, we walked a bit more. All this time, on the streets, in the restaurant, I had been playing my game of rating the cuties.
"Look, over there, an 8.3" or
"Wow! A 9.4. I want him."
He kept laughing, I was crazy, one heck of a guy. We saw
a group of college boys crossing the street and I just stopped to
stare at one of them, oohs and aahs, he said I was bad. I smiled.
I still did not know why I liked him.
I remembered a time long ago, long forgotten. I told him about it. My ex wife and I had just parted. I had not been with a man in years, eleven years. I was living with friends at the time. I walked to a gay bar four miles away so no-one would see my car there. I didn't know what a closet was at the time. I was afraid of what was in me. This guy picked me up. We went to a park, deep into the woods, in the darkness, where we could pretend. These days I do not pretend. The story excited him somehow. I was amazed it should all flood back into my memory now, why now ? I suggested we go back to the club and look at the pretty boys dancing and he agreed. Inside we danced together for the first time. He loves dancing, crazy about it. I can't dance but he was polite. Always polite, my China Boy. I stood with him at the side of the dance floor and took his hand and held it. We just stood there. It was very nice. A friend of his had a dance with him while I sat at the bar. It felt good seeing him have fun. He came back to the stool beside me, he turned to me: "I guess we could leave anytime now" The implication was clear, WE were to leave, as in together. I looked him right in the eyes, locked our eyes, staring right into him and I smiled. "Let's" Out on the sidewalk now, in front of the club, no one but us there. He said we needed to make a decision. I said "Your place or mine?" I followed him home. My China Boy.
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